i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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