I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
