I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
