Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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