I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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