I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
