Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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