THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
