yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
