finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize