And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm both gender and math confused
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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