i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize