I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
