My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I hate all girls vehemently.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize