Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
