Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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