I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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