Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize