I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
