I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
