you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
