her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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