honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
