from now on my penis is your penis
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize