worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
