booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
