Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
