Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My vagina just clenched in fear
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
