I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize