she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
