you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
