I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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