You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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