Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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