no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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