I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
