I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I checked into jail on foursquare
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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