Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You are a genius and a whore.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
