If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
