That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
