I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
