singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
