I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
did i walk over a car last night?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize