don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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