I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
