I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
