I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
