it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
