Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
