on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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