oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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