I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
