It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm both gender and math confused
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
