She's JV to your varsity
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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