I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
is it fun? or sober?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
