Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize