I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize