guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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