The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
