big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think my moral compass just broke
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