no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
