I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
