Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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