There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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