i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
