And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
as a side note pls kill me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
