im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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