It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
