My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
