So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
