Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
