I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
