I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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