he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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