maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
