Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
