I showed him my bush... on skype.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
