I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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