My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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