im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
