You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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