I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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