I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
