She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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