his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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