get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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