I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
