You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
