i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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