got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
