She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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