I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
