Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
