I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
