My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
