on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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