I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
