its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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