She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
