I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
