i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
they need to just BURY HIM!
We got so high we made milksteak
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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